My Uber drops me off at 11:03 AM at a nondescript boxy and beige Manhattan Beach medical office park with anxiety pulsating throughout my body. Maybe it's because my stomach is almost-empty with too much coffee, half a banana, and a spoon of peanut butter that per doctor's orders, I consumed exactly 4 hours prior. But more likely, it's that I'm about to get my mind blown with a therapeutic dose of ketamine straight to the veins. Before I know it, I'm reclining in a black leather La-Z-Boy, earbuds in, inspirational music cued up, with a blood pressure cuff on my right arm and an IV in my left. "It's normal to be nervous, but just try to give into the process," Jana, the nurse practitioner says. "Have a great trip," I hear her voice fade away as I press play and pull my eye mask down. Minutes later, I'm simultaneously flying and melting on a rollercoaster that ushers me between scenes of The Nutcracker, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and woo-hoo, I'm hanging out in the Emerald City with the Wizard of Oz. I can't feel my face, and with each deep breath into my belly, my body dissolves into nothingness. Pain and anxiety can't exist here. I don't ever want this feeling to stop. |
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